To be heard, and not to be.

I run into this a lot.  I let my voice rise up from my heart, and it is not always received in the way I was hoping.

Oops.

Can you relate?  I practice speaking from my heart a lot.  I hope to be responsive, kind, sensitive, respectful, compassionate, courageous, truthful, Graceful.  However, practice is messy and I don't always nail it.  Once my words absorb, bounce off of, bore a hole into, or fly over the head of the receiver, then comes their response.  Sometimes their response is less a response and is more a reaction.  Kind of like, adding oil to a fire.  Sometimes it is disengagement. -Or over-engagement, silence, disregard, retraction.

So, I create a steadfast heart.  One that is prepared and open to whatever the response may be--even if the receiver completely mows over what I just said, without even acknowledging my voice.  More than likely this person isn't being heard somewhere in their life too.  And they don't know what to do with a Wholeheart.  I affirm them regardless if I have been affirmed!  -Because I know affirmation outside of me is not necessary for me to continue to live in Love.

In a recent interaction, I felt the person on the receiving end was plowing through my soul's efforts to place words on my experience, to offer connection and truth from a grounded place.  Speaking from the heart is just not always well-received.  Once someone told me, "People just don't always want to hear what you have to say."  Ouch.  As one of my teachers would name it, a core-wounded identity of mine, I suppose.  One thing, among many, I have learned from that statement is that one is always worth standing in their truth, and whether others are listening or not is irrelevant.  It is more about how we choose to speak up, and whether we can identify if speaking our truth is for everyone's awakening in that moment.

For this particular interaction, I knew I was choosing connection over ego (or my need to be heard). I had great compassion for the person on the other end, realizing they wanted the same thing as me, and just had a different kind of awareness around what it means to be heard.

I know I have people in my life who give me the space to say what I need to say and can go there.  I have journals, this blog, my art, meditation, my own self-love and listening...  If there is a pattern, habit or history that I am looking to rewrite, than I decide there will be another opportunity to have a meaningful conversation, or I can meet the "other person" where they are at in a different way.

In the end, it's about connection.  What connection means for me is that I can trust in my own heart to love and trust others, no matter their response.  Just as I am on my path, they are on their path and processing the world in their capacity.  I want to use words for healing and awakening.  And let silence or surrender do the same.